Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest Winners Announced

Posted on July 14, 2006

The winners for the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced. The contest honors the absolute worst opening paragraph for a novel in several categories. The overall winner for the worst writing was Jim Guigli of Carmichael, California, who took home the top prize for this horrifying opening paragraph:

Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.
Stuart Vasepuru, of Edinburgh, Scotland was the Runner Up with this gem:
"I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, "you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?' - and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' - well do you, punk?"
You can see all of the winning paragraphs and honorable mentions here.

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