Funny Quotes

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Here is a collection of funny quotes from author, poets and comedians in case you are in need of a laugh. There is always time for a good laugh.

"Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!'" - Robin Williams

"All morons hate it when you call them a moron" - The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger

"Thinking I'm a moron gives people something to feel smug about. Why should I disillusion them?" - A Wrinkle in Time - Madeleine L'Engle

"Let me play the fool. With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come. And let my liver rather heat with wine Than my heart cool with mortifying groans." - The Merchant of Venice - Shakespeare

"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." - Bob Hope

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world." - The Calvin And Hobbes: Tenth Anniversary Book - Bill Watterson

"Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind." - Don Quixote - Miguel de Cervantes

Image: Writers Write, Inc.

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment." - The New Yorker, 10-19-29 - Dorothy Parker

"A politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man." - E.E. Cummings

"Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact" - Impressions of Theophrastus Such - George Eliot

"Humans do have a knack for choosing precisely those things which are worst for them.." - Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - J.K. Rowling

"In old days books were written by men of letters and read by the public. Nowadays books are written by the public and read by nobody." - A Few Maxims for the Instruction of the Over-Educated - Oscar Wilde

"Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades." - The Titan's Curse - Rick Riordan

"When they're standing right in front of you, kings are a kind of speech impediment." - The Carpet People - Terry Pratchett

"I always thought insanity would be a dark, bitter feeling, but it is drenching and delicious if you really roll around in it." - The Help - Kathryn Stockett

"If somebody wants a sheep, that is proof that he exists." - The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed - or worse, expelled. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed." - Hermione, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone - J.K. Rowling

"He's such a cobweb, a pinch would annihilate him." - Heathcliff, Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter." - Benny Hill

Here are some links to more collections of funny quotes: