The Top 10 Demands of the Striking Writers
Posted on January 3, 2008The late night talk shows all returned to the airwaves last night. Letterman had his full slate of writers and was quite funny. He wore the fashionable new Strike Beard, which Robin Williams said made him look like General Grant, and in his opening crossed a picket line of high-kicking dancers.
The Top Ten list was read by some striking writers who regularly walk the picket lines. Here are the Top 10 Demands of the Striking Writers:
10. The Daily Show's Tim Carvell: "Complimentary tote bag with next insulting contract offer."
9. The Colbert Report's Laura Kraft: "No rollbacks in health benefits, so I can treat the hypothermia I caught on the picket lines."
8. Daytime tv writer Melissa Salmons: "Full salary and benefits for my imaginary writing partner, Lester."
7. Law & Order: Criminal Intent's Warren Leight: "Members of the AMPTP must explain what the hell AMPTP stands for."
6. The Colbert Report's Jay Katsir: "No disciplinary action taken against any writer caught having inappropriate relationship with a copier."
5. The Daily Show's Steve Bodow: "I'd like a date with a woman."
4. Screenwriter/director/writer Nora Ephron: "Hazard pay for breaking up fights on The View."
3. Law & Order's Gina Gionfriddo: "I'm no accountant, but instead of us getting 4 cents for a $20 DVD, how about we get $20 for a 4-cent DVD?"
2. Late Night With Conan O'Brien's Chris Albers: "I don't have a joke - I just want to remind everyone that we're on strike, so none of us are responsible for this lame list."
1. Thurber award-winning writer Alan Zwiebel: "Producers must immediately remove their heads from their asses."