AMPTP Revamps Its Website

Posted on December 11, 2007

The AMPTP's website, AMPTP.org isn't very exciting. So someone decided to help the media conglomerates out by created a new, improved AMPTP website: AMPTP.com. It looks much like the original, but is so much more entertaining. For example, did you know that lead AMPTP negotiator Nick Counter was a member of the Backstreet Boys, one of the biggest-selling teen pop bands in history? You can see his dreamy photos (with dolphins!) here.

Here's an excerpt from the FAQ:
What is the AMPTP? The AMPTP, or Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers, is a collection of kindly gentlemen who create and distribute all of your favorite screen-based entertainment. Did you like Snow White when you were a kid? The AMPTP made that. How do you feel about "American Idol," The Bourne Ultimatum and everything Will Smith has ever done? That's the AMPTP, too.

You're welcome.

What is this disagreement you have with the Writers Guild of America? It boils down to a difference of opinion. They want us to pay them for their work, which would literally[1] bankrupt Hollywood and prevent us from creating these movies and television shows. We, on the other hand, want to keep making movies and television shows, so that people can be happy, and violent crime will fall.

I am convinced that you are correct when you say the writers' demands are unreasonable. I don't even have to look at the actual math behind this claim, because I trust you. But what did you offer them instead? We offered them a chance to be a part of what we call "The New Economic Partnership." Basically´┐Ż

Stop right there. Your use of capital letters proves you mean business. You guys must be in the right. Thank you.

Why does the WGA hate freedom and democracy so much? It's unclear. Big corporations have given the world electricity, affordable cornmeal, and "Two and a Half Men." What have unions ever given us? Answer: Communism and a disgustingly high minimum wage.

Hang on. I just looked at their demands and they seem kind of reasonable. Why don't you just pay them? Reasonable? They are asking for an amount of money that would literally[2] bankrupt all six major studios and weaken our national defense! What kind of question is that? Who are you?

A terrorist who hates your country. Oh. Well, there you go.
No doubt the AMPTP would strike back with an equally hilarious website spoofing the WGA, but all the writers are on strike.

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