I will not read your fu***ng script.

That's simple enough, isn't it? "I will not read your fu***ng script." What's not clear about that? There's nothing personal about it, nothing loaded, nothing complicated. I simply have no interest in reading your fu***ng screenplay. None whatsoever.

If that seems unfair, I'll make you a deal. In return for you not asking me to read your fu***ng script, I will not ask you to wash my fu***ng car, or take my fu***ng picture, or represent me in fu***ng court, or take out my fu***ng gall bladder, or whatever the f*** it is that you do for a living.

You're a lovely person. Whatever time we've spent together has, I'm sure, been pleasurable for both of us. I quite enjoyed that conversation we once had about structure and theme, and why Sergio Leone is the greatest director who ever lived. Yes, we bonded, and yes, I wish you luck in all your endeavors, and it would thrill me no end to hear that you had sold your screenplay, and that it had been made into the best movie since Godfather Part II. But I will not read your fu***ng script.

Daniel Fleisch, a physics professor at Wittenberg University in Ohio, was "horrified to learn" from his one-star Amazon review that Ottawa, Canada customer Michel Cuhaci had received a copy of his textbook, A Student's Guide to Maxwell's Equations, which was missing the first 38 pages.

At first Fleisch offered to send a copy of the book via overnight delivery, but the date - it was 24 December - meant the book, intended as a Christmas present for Cuhaci's nephew, wouldn't arrive in time. He thought about driving to Canada from Ohio, but the weather was too snowy. "I felt pretty lousy," Fleisch told the Dayton Daily News.

Then he found a flight leaving at six am on Christmas morning, hired a rental car, and arrived at Cuhaci's house, where he asked a flabbergasted Cuhaci if he'd prefer a hardback or a paperback. "I was surprised and shocked. I was trying to understand what was happening," Cuhaci told the local paper.

Fleisch apologised for the flaw in the original copy, handed over the book and headed back to Ohio, arriving home after midnight. "Just seeing the look on his face ... it was worth it," he said. Cuhaci has now updated his Amazon review, saying the book is "excellent for a new aspiring electrical engineer, physics student or even a practising engineer".

"I guess there are miracles at Christmas!" he adds. "I never expected to receive a hand delivered book by the author himself Christmas morning, I am still in a state of disbelief ... What a wonderful surprise and made my day! I still cannot understand how the author managed to deliver it in person within a day of my first comment about the misprint volume."

They are Larry Doyle, for the novel I Love You, Beth Cooper (Ecco); Patricia Marx, for the novel Him Her Him Again the End of Him (Scribner); and Simon Rich, for his collection of vignettes, Ant Farm (Random House). The announcement was made Tuesday in Columbus, Ohio, by Thurber House, a national literary center that sponsors the award. The annual prize, worth $5,000, will be presented on Oct. 6.

Keenan is the author of two previous comic novels, Blue Heaven and Putting on the Ritz. He was a writer for Frasier; and his first produced script for that series, titled "The Matchmaker," received an Emmy Award nomination, a GLAAD Media Award and the 1995 Writers' Guild Award for Episodic Comedy. He won a writing Emmy in 1996 for another episode of Frasier, and two additional Emmy nominations including one which won the 2001 Writers' Guild Award for Episodic Comedy. Keenan was with Frasier for six years, rising from executive story editor to co-producer, supervising producer, co-executive producer, and then executive producer. In 2007, he shared an Annie Award for best writing of an animated feature for "Flushed Away". He has written and produced several episodes of Desperate Housewives.

The two runners-up for the Thurber Prize were Bob Newhart for I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This!: And Other Things That Strike Me As Funny and Merrill Markoe for Walking In Circles Before Lying Down.

Three esteemed judges selected the winner of this year's Thurber Prize for American Humor: humorist Bill Scheft, the former head monologue writer for the Late Show with David Letterman and 2006 Thurber Pirze finalist for his novel Time Won't Let Me; Melissa Bank, author of The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing; and Chuck Klosterman, whose latest book, Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas, is a collection of his essays about music, television and sports, among other topics.

The Thurber Prize for American Humor was first presented in 1997 to Ian Frazier for his book Coyote vs. Acme. In 1999, the prize went to the editorial staff of the satirical magazine The Onion for Our Dumb Century; in 2001, to David Sedaris, best-selling author of Me Talk Pretty One Day. In 2004, the Prize was made an annual award and was given to Christopher Buckley for his comic novel, No Way to Treat a First Lady. In 2005, it was presented to Jon Stewart, Ben Karlin and David Javerbaum for America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction. Five-time Emmy winner Alan Zweibel won in 2006 for his novel, The Other Shulman.