The 46-year-old Novato Fire Protection District information technician was celebrating her badness Wednesday after learning by e-mail that she had won the romance category in this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

Initiated in 1982 by San Jose State University, the annual contest challenges entrants "to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels."

"I know that thousands and thousands of people enter this contest, so to float to the top is like the ultimate for a really bad writer," she said happily. "There's no greater prize for a really bad writer. And it takes a lot of work to be this bad. I'm hoping you have to be good to be this bad."

"Bill swore the affair had ended, but Louise knew he was lying, after discovering Tupperware containers under the seat of his car, which were not the off-brand containers that she bought to save money, but authentic, burpable, lidded Tupperware; and she knew he would see that woman again, because unlike the flimsy, fake containers that should always be recycled responsibly, real Tupperware must be returned to its rightful owner."